


..What If..

by flufflepuffz



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin, aot, snk - Fandom
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1284778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flufflepuffz/pseuds/flufflepuffz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger is a Sophomore in College, He usually spends his nights drinking his problems away until he can't remember the event's the next morning...But things start to change as he befriends the popular Junior, Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breakups And Bruises

 

It was a rather cold day as Eren Jaeger awoke to the sound of his ringtone. He groaned over and he reached over to grab his phone which was resting on his nightstand, He grabbed it and answered "Who the fuck is this?" Erens tone was a bit harsh but he really didn't appreciate being woken up while he had finally fallen asleep after a whole night of throwing up the contents of his stomach. 

\--x--

"Uh Eren? It's me..Armin."  
Eren sighed and he sat up from his bed, Rubbing his eyes and yawning  
"Oh sorry man, What's up?"  
"How are you feeling? Are you coming to class today? Or do you have a massive hangover? Do you want me to come over after this class?" Armin's voice sounded kind of worried, Eren had just gotten over a breakup with his ex boyfriend Jean, They had been broken up for over a week and they had been fighting for quite some time before then. Eren sat and wondered why he'd ever agreed to date such a douche. He shook the thought off of his mind. Last night had been the night he went to a party and got completely fucked up. Eren groaned again and he sighed "First of all.....Stop with all the questions, I just woke up...Second of all, I'm fine. I don't think i'm coming to class since i'm already...." He looked over to the side and glanced at his clock, The clock flashed the time '8:37 AM' "37 minutes late..and I have a very bad headache and I feel like i'm going to throw up everywhere every time I talk and you can come and chill later if you want.." Armin laughed slightly "Sorry sorry! Of course I want too I'll be over there by...12, Okay? I have a couple things I need to do, Is that time okay with you?" Eren sighed "Of course it's fine...I'll see you then." They exchanged goodbyes and hung up. Eren loved Armin to death but honestly he could be a pain in the ass when he called him and asked him 8 million questions. Eren didn't mind it to much, Eren rubbed his temples. He had a massive headache, He reached over to grab the pills that were resting on his nightstand, Mikasa had left them there when she dropped him off last night. Him and Mikasa did not live together, Up until last year they did. Mikasa got into a relationship with one of her 'friends' Annie. Eren had only met her 3 times roughly, Even tho he was heavily intoxicated when around her. Eren was quite the drinker, He didn't really care what anyone said he enjoyed washing away his problems with the heavy taste of alcohol. He did it more than he probably should but he couldn't be bothered in stopping any time soon. Once he took the pills he rolled off of his bed and he headed to his bathroom. He did his buisness and then returned to his bedroom, He grunted as he felt sick again. He crawled into his bed and he wrapped himself up in his blanket. The medicine hadn't kicked in yet so he was still hurting. His head was pounding, He shut his eyes tightly...He had a migrane, Something he was quite used to but he felt like this one was unbearable. Eventually the young adult fell asleep, At around 12:26 PM he was woken up by none other than his best friend; Armin Arlert. Armin and Eren had been friends since Kindergarden and they grew up with each other. Armin shook eren and he called out his name gently so that he wouldn't sound like he was yelling. Erens eyes slowly opened and he glanced at the blonde boy in front of him. He blinked and he sat up, Sighing and cursing under his breathe. His migrane was gone but he still felt like absolute shit. "Hey Eren, Sorry to wake you..." Eren shook his head "No, It's fine..." He yawned and stretched "How was class?" Armin glanced to the side "It was alright, Guess who was hanging out with Jean today.." Eren felt his chest tighten at the sudden mention of Jean, Sure he was an ass but Eren still cared for him..He was quiet for a moment but then he responded "Who?..."  
"That 'innocent' good boy Marco"  
"Are you fucking kidding me? How can Marco handle being around that asshole??"  
Armin shrugged "Beats me, They looked like they were bonding quite well.." Eren let out a sad sigh at the lack of armins memory that he and jean were broken up and the thought of him still hurt eren, Armins eyes widened and he grabbed erens shoulders gently "Holy shit eren i'm so sorry i totally forgot!" He repeated his apologizes and eren laughed slightly "It's whatever..  
Armin nodded "Alright..Sorry, Oh I also bought you some medicine since I figured you'd still be...eh" Eren sighed and he patted Armins shoulder. "Thanks man, I don't know what i'd do without you.." Armin gave him a gentle smile. "So have you eaten yet?" Eren shook his head "Honestly I could've be bothered in getting up and finding something.." He sat up and rested against the wall. Armin sighed and he pulled on erens arm "Get up, we're going to get something" Erens body fell against he bed and he let out a whiney moan "But arrmmmiiinnn....I don't feel like getting out of bed" Armin looked small but he was strong enough to pull eren out of bed and then standing him up straight. "Get dressed, We're going" Eren chuckled "Fine, fine, fine i'll get dressed" Armin nodded and he left the room. Eren sighed and he walked towards his dresser, He opened it and he grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans and a green hoodie with a pair of wings on the back, One white and one black. Once he was finished he went to the bathroom and got ready, Once he was finished he walked out into his living room. \ "So Armin, Am I driving orr...??" Armin nodded "If you want I can" They both agreed that he would drive. Eren slipped on a pair of converse and they headed out the door. Eren also made sure he had his keys and wallet and phone with him. Once he made sure of it they exited his apartment, They walked some ways and they finally got into the car. They buckled their seatbelts and they began to drive, after about 5 minutes of driving they found the place they wanted to eat at. It was a nice little diner that they'd always eaten at with Mikasa. \--x-- Armin parked the car and the exited the car and they walked into the little diner. They were seated and they took their sweet ass time choosing what they wanted,Eren had ordered a strawberry milkshake with some french fries and that was pretty much it. Armin ordered a vanilla milkshake with chilli fries and a burger. The two sat and waited when eren suddenly realized a familiar face was sitting behind Armin, Eren glanced down and frowned a bit, In attempt to hide his face. Amrin tilted his head slightly and he said "What?" Eren mouthed 'look behind you' Armin had a confused look on his face "What? There's a vacuum? We're in a diner eren what the fuck" Eren face palmed and then aggressively whispered "Look behind you armin." "oohhh" He turned around "Oh hey Marc-" Eren reached over and he pulled armins head down so that he couldn't see him "Hey jean did you hear someone call my name?" Jean shook his head "Naw, It was probably just my dick screamin' at you. haha naw just kidding...It was probably just your imagination or something" Marco shrugged it off. Eren let go of armin and they sat there and listened in on their conversation. The waiter came over and gave Jean and Marco their food, They were silent for a couple of minutes due to their eating and drinking but then they started chatting. "So Jean, Who's Eren? I heard you talking about him the other day while you were with Connie" Jean snickered "Just some stupid kid that I dumped...We used to fight a lot, To be perfectly honest I was only using him..I never really had feelings for the stupid brat anyway, He was just so obsessed with me and when he confessed to me I just couldn't say no to em'. He's in the past tho, He's not important, What's important is you" Marco blushed a bit "Jean since you're my boyfriend i'm going to be honest with you..Using people isn't good...also stop with all the flattery, You're embarrassing me..." Jean leaned over to kiss marco but he was inturrupped by the sound of hands slamming on the table that was behind them Jean turned his head to see Eren's head facing down towards the table as he stood up "....Fuck you jean.." He whispered. Jean smirked at him "Excuse me?" Eren grabbed his drink and he poured it all over Jean, "I said, Fuck you, why do you think it's perfectly okay to toy with someones emotions like this? Because I think it's absolute bullshit Jean! You made me believe you cared!! Why do you think it's okay to use people!? I can't believe you got into a relationship with someone almost 4 days after we'd broken up! Have a nice fucking time while it lasts Marco! I can't believe I fell in love with a fucking heartless bastard like you!!" He flipped him off. Jean was pissed, he reached over and he slapped Eren across the face, Erens face turned to the side. Eren stood there for a moment while Marco and armin tried to calm them down. Eren bolted out of the booth and he started speed walking, almost running, He was furious but he couldn't hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes and streaming down his face, Armin went to go chase after eren when jean grabbed his shoulder "Do me a favor and tell eren to stay the fuck away from me" Armin shoved him off and he walked after eren.Eren opened the doors and he expected to bolt to the car and cry but he bumped into someone. Since he was running both of the men stumbled back, Eren fell back but the person grabbed his wrist before he could hit the floor, He pulled him up. Eren was a crying mess. He looked up and saw the popular Junior Levi with his friend Hanji. "S-sorry" Eren stood up on his feet quickly and he rushed away from them. Hanji was about to ask if he was okay but Armin came sprinting towards Eren. "Eren! Wait!!" He chased after him, Levi shrugged it off and hanji frowned a bit as they walked inside, Only to be nudged by another male, It was Jean, He wasn't going to let Eren just run away like that. "No Jean! Stop it, Leave him alone he was just upset" Marco went to grab his wrist but Jean pushed him back forcefully. "Jean!" Marco yelled, He was normally quiet but he raised his voice. Jean ignored him again and he went and he grabbed erens wrist tightly and he shoved him against the wall. "What the fuck is your problem, Eren?" Eren winced a bit at the sudden contact with the wall. He looked to the side and he avoided eye contact with him. His tears were swelling up in his eyes. "Leave me alone, Jean.." He mumbled. Jean was screaming in his face, He was furious. "Who do you think you are eren? You mean nothing to me anymore- No. You never meant anything to me, So just stay the fuck away from me and marco! You're just a pathetic little shit that fell in love, Well good for fucking you! You're a piece of shit that no one cares about so why don't you just die!!??" He knee'd eren in the stomach and he grabbed his hair and he threw him to the ground, Eren tried landing on his feet but he failed, He hit the ground forcefully and he landed face first. He felt a pain in his back as Jean kicked him, Marco and armin were screaming and trying to get him to stop but he wouldn't. Jean turned him over and he punched eren in the face but eren blocked it and ended up punching jean instead. Jean was the type of person to get pissed off over little things, Jean punched eren repeatedly until eren was bleeding from his nose and his mouth, He had cut erens lip along the process of him hitting the ground and then jean hitting his face. Jean was suddenly shoved off of eren by a black haired Junior that both of them had just run into. Jean fought back of course but he knew that Levi had been much stronger than he. Marco ran over to jean and he pulled him away, He was pissed. They went to the car and Marco proceeded to yell at him. Marco sort of felt bad for Eren. Eren at up while he was on the floor, He put his hands in his face and he wiped away some blood. He felt a hand on his back, It was hanji's. "Hey are you okay?" She tilted her head slightly and she gently pulled her hands away from his face so that she could look at it. "I'm fucking perfect..." He said in a sarcastic tone. "Hey, Kid...Don't get sassy. We just saved your pathetic ass so you should be thankful. Also...Hanji is training to be a nurse, You should probably let her look at you.." He rolled his eyes and he turned around to face Armin. He and armin had known each other, They had a couple classes together. Levi pretty much asked him what happened and armin had told him. Hanji looked at erens face. "Well You have a busted lip and your face it going to have a couple small bruises but you'll live!" She smiled brightly at the boy. Eren rubbed his cheek and he stood up. "Yeah, Whatever. thanks..." Eren was a a bit upset. He knew that he'd get pissed at yell at him but he never thought he'd go as far as beat him up to the point that he would be bleeding. Hanji stood up and she patted him on the shoulder, "Nothing to worry about tho!! Why don't you come eat with me and Levi???" Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and he let out a sigh "Hanji leave them alone, I don't think they'd appreciate sitting threw a whole lunch with a maniac like you." Hanji seemed way over enthusiastic. No offense but eren had no interest in eating anymore. His day had been completely ruined "Sorry but no..I want to go home, Armin take me home..." He walked off without saying goodbye to them. Armin apologized and then thanked them, He waved and then rushed towards the car to eren. They got into the car and eren had sat there in silence. Armin frowned, He was worried about eren. "Are you okay, Eren..?" Eren's gaze had fallen down and then over to Armin. He shook his head. Armin reached over and he hugged him. He sighed and eren hugged back, Gripping the back of his shirt tightly. Eren dug his head into armins shoulder and he cried. They sat there for about 5 minutes until eren had calmed down. Armin told him that they needed to go home so that they could clean him up. Armin started up thde car and they left the diner parking lot. After a little bit of silence and driving they reached erens apartment. They walked inside and eren just went straight for his couch and he layed face down. Armin went into the kitchen to grab the first aid kit which had been in one of Erens cupboards. Once he grabbed it he made sure to get a cloth that was slightly damp. He walked towards eren. "Eren can you please sit up so I can fix your face?" Eren grunted and he sat up, Armin sat on the coffee table which had been placed in front of the couch, He reached over to grab the wet cloth, He gently dabbed over erens lip and he wiped away any blood that was on his face. Eren had a busted lip and a small cut on his cheek, It wasn't anything serious. Eren was quite used to it actually. He had gotten in many fights when he was in highschool but up until he started college he rarely had any physical fights. Eren sat there while Armin cleaned him up. He put a small bandaid over his small cut on his cheek. He had put some medication on it as well before he placed the bandaid. Once they were finished armin sighed and he pushed the first aid kit aside. "Eren..Are you okay?" Eren glanced to the side slightly "Of course i'm okay, It's not like he broke my bones or anything. Armin frowned a bit "Eren...Look at me." Eren rolled his eyes and he looked at the blue eye'd boy in front of him. "What..?" Armin looked at eren's eyes. "I mean...Are YOU okay.." Eren knew what he meant but he honestly didn't have an answer. "I don't know...I honestly..don't fucking know." He held his head in his hands and he fought back tears. Armin reached over and he pulled eren into a tight embrace, Eren didn't hug back. "I know it's hard..But, It's going to be okay...I promise it's going to be okay.." Eren sat there and let Armin hold him, After a few minutes Armin let go and he looked into erens eyes. "Try not to beat yourself up about it, And no parties tonight." Armin said in a assertive tone. Eren rolled his eyes again "Yes mother" He mocked him and they both smiled. Eren was grateful to have Armin in his life, He'd always been there to pick him up when he was down, Despite armins request for eren not to party tonight. His request was merely denied. Eren had lied to him, Of course he was going to a party tonight, That had been his routine almost every other day. He'd go to a party, Wash away his problems, Get completely fucked and go home. That was his routine. After a couple hours of messing around and doing nothing armin had left. After he left it was around 6:53 PM. Eren still had some time to kill since the party he was planning on going to was 2 hours away. Eren spent those hours watching tv and eating, He hadn't realized it but he had passed 3 hours. He was an hour late but he could honestly care less. So he freshened himself up, Grabbed his keys...and headed out the door. 


	2. Parties and Pills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren goes to a party and get's completely fucked up but everything goes wrong when he runs into the popular Junior Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So so so sooooo sorry for not updating! I originally planned on updating much sooner but I've been busy!   
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I worked on this for a whole 3 days, If there are any error's I apologize, I'm a terrible writer so you'll probably think it's shitty ; n ;   
> Anyway! Make sure to follow my tumblr! ~ http://kawaii-shota-booty.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks for the support bae's~ <3 <3 c:

When we left off; Eren Jaeger was headed for a party held by some junior's. Eren was pretty familiar with parties considering that he attended them almost every other day.

 

\--x-- 

 

Eren had left for the party, Once he finally reached his destination after a couple minutes of driving. There were drunken people, Loud music and drugs. Pretty much everything that eren could ask for on such a shitty day, Eren parked his car and he went inside, He was happily greeted by some other parties that he'd befriended at other parties. They pulled him over for a shot, Eren didn't fight it, He happily took the shot. One shot turned into 2..then 4..then 6. He had gotten his hands on some vodka and just regular boose. He spent almost four hours getting completely fucked. 1:30 AM had rollen around but the party had just started. The music only got louder and more people had come, It was Friday so everyone had shown up. Even the popular Junior...Levi. Eren had his arm swung around one of his friends as they were walking. Eren said he needed to take a piss so he took off, He was a stumbling mess. He felt like he was spinning and he was very much happy with it. Eren didn't know where he was going but after he walked down some hall ways he accidentally bumped into someone, He glanced at the man in front of him. It was Levi.   
"Oh, It's you."   
Levi didn't seem very amused at this situation, Eren giggled slightly   
"We need to sthop bumbhing into eachh other like this...Haha"   
Eren was completely hammered. Levi pushed eren away from him.   
"Jesus fucking christ you reek of alcohol, Are you drunk?..Yeah..You're definetly drunk."   
Eren was pushed back and he nearly lost balence but he grabbed ahold of Levi's wrist, Accidently pulling them both to the ground.  
"Woaaahhhhh......levi...contro...l yourselff....I know im irrisitable but jees"   
His speech was slurred. He laughed and Levi grunted, He went to get up but he was only pulled down again by none other than eren. "Where are you goin' bab? We only just started" He smiled idiotically. "Jaeger, Let go. You're completely wasted and you smell absolutely disgusting ."   
His voice was assertive, He was annoyed by eren and he really didn't appreciate his nasty reeking breath in his face. He managed to properly get up.  
"Why do you gotta call me by my last name? How do yo even kno et? I've only met u like....twice or somethin'"  
He rolled over on his side and threw up. Levi grimaced, He was disgusted as eren spewed the contents of his stomach. "Jesus christ Eren, You need to go home. Is your sister here?" He rolled his eyes "for your information im perfly fine, and no...shes not i came alone." He was silent for a moment and then he laughed and mumbled to himself "tch, I came alone..ahahah.....came..." Levi rolled his eyes, He was annoyed and irritated by this situation. He was going to turn around and leave eren there to waste away but he wasn't just going to leave him there like that. He let out a heavy sigh and he crouched down. "Get up, Jaeger. I'm taking you home since your pathetic ass can't." Eren didn't move a muscle "But its so comfy on the floor" Levi groaned "I'll ask you one more time. Get.the.fuck.up." Eren shook his head "Noooooo" He whined out. Levi pinched the bridge of his nose and he whispered to himself  
"I swear to fucking god Jaeger, you're so lucky you're drunk and not sober."  
He grabbed eren by the wrist and he pulled him over his shoulder, Eren protested but then gave up  
"Leviiii let goo of meeee...I'm perfectly fineto drive myself home..." Levi ignored him. "Shut up, You're definetly not fine."  
He walked over to hanji and told her that he was leaving. She was confused at first but then Levi told her that he would explain later. She simply nodded and he left.

 

He exited the house, It was almost 2 AM by the time they had started driving. "Hey Jaeger, You better not puke in my car or I swear to fucking god I will end you." Eren nodded as he started to fall asleep. After a few minutes of driving Levi reached over and nudged eren "Hey brat, Where do you live?" Eren didn't respond, He only groaned and turned in the seat. "Eren wake up." His tone was serious and loud. After a few minutes of saying his name eren finally woke up "What the ever loving fuck do you want?" Levi sighed "Where do you live" Eren mumbled his address but levi understood. Eren was feeling a bit sick, He groaned slightly and levi heard eren dry heaving. "No, no, no. Don't you fucking dar-" He was interrupted by erens puking all over the floor or his car. Levi stopped the car, Causing the contents of erens lap (His phone) to go flying onto the floor. Levi grimaced "Are you fucking kidding me??" Eren groaned and he turned in his seat once more, Feeling as if he was going to puke again. "Eren don't!" Eren was smart and he opened the door, He threw up and he nearly fell out of the car, Thank god he was wearing a seat belt. Levi let out a heavy sigh. "God you're a fucking mess, Jaeger." He reached over, Closed the door and drove the rest of the way, Trying to ignore the strong smell of vomit. Once they reached his apartment levi parked and exited the car, He circled the car until he reached the passenger side door. He opened it and he grimaced as he unbuckled eren from the seatbelt. Once he was finished he picked eren up bridle style and he walked him inside, Thank god eren had forgotten to lock the door. It only made it that much easier to get him inside. Once inside, Levi looked around. The place wasn't big but it wasn't all that small either, It was a decent size with decent furniture. Levi carried the unconscious eren in his arms as he walked down a hallway and found his bedroom. He opened the door and it squeaked slightly as he did so. He walked over to the bed and he gently placed eren there, He put the blankets over him, He turned to leave but something gripped his shirt. It was eren, He pulled him down and he kissed him on the lips, Levi immediately pulled away. He tasted disgusting. "Thanks so much~~ You're my herroo....Hero Leviiii~~!" He voice was slurred still due to his half awake state. Levi left quickly.

\--X--  
Eren pov (Point Of View)  
The next day.

I had woken up feeling as if i'd been run over by a truck which was pretty typical due to the fact that I woke up almost every morning feeling like this. I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to re-play the events of the night before, I yawned..I was exhausted...but my yawn was interrupted by my sudden memory..I froze as I remembered I ran into Levi. What's really annoying is that I can't figure out what else happened...I was glad that I didn't have school today since it was Saturday, I glanced over to look at my clock. It flashed 10:54 AM. I groaned and I sat up. I could have slept longer but god knows that i'd be waking up soon anyway, Whether it's from Mikasa or Armin..Or maybe Levi...depending on what had happened, I could have threw up on him or kissed him or I could have done something to make him utterly pissed off at me. He had been known for his strict personality and his need for punishing someone if they'd done something bad, His name was Levi but people normally called him Heichou due to his assertiveness. He was a I seriously wanted to scream with frustration. I'd usually remembered what happened but I never really gave a damn just as long as I got what I needed but...I just want to know what happened beyond the point of getting completely smashed and then running into Levi... I stretched as I swung his feet over the side of my bed, I stood up and started walking to the bathroom. I got the urge to throw up, Even tho that usually happened during the night..I seriously don't remember throwing up...Well...On the contrary I don't really remember anything..Maybe I had once or twice but I seriously can't remember. I could feel the nasty feel of acid running up my throat as I walked, I fell to to knee's quickly in front of the toilet and I dry heaved then threw up, I hated throwing up. It was really exhausting and I don't appreciate the taste that lingers in my mouth or the slight pain I get in my stomach but I was pretty much fine but then...At least I thought I was. I dry heaved once more, Causing me to eventually throw up the contents that were once inside of me. I let out a whiny moan. My head pounded and I grabbed a towel so that I could wipe off the remainders of my throw up off of my face. I got up, I was a bit shaky but it was starting to become a regular occurrence for me..I let out a pained exhale as I stood up, I felt light headed, I grabbed onto the door frame as I left the bathroom. I decided that i'd go to my bedroom to look for my phone. After a few minutes of searching I couldn't find it..So I decided to look all around this stupid apartment. 

 

After over an hour of searching I decided that it would be time to give up. I shuffled to the couch and collapsed onto it..I ly'd there silent for a few moments before I reached over to grab the remote that was on the coffee table. I eventually found a channel I wanted. I clicked the button and my eyes glared at the multi-colored screen...I had changed the channel to Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. I didn't really watch TV all that much but I considered this to be one of my favorite shows. There was a marathon on so I figured that i'd spend the day watching it. After about 4 hours of staring at the screen, Ever so often gasping and mumbling to myself about who the culprit is or what drama is happened...I felt a sharp pain in my stomach as it growled. I started to get hungry,I ignored it and continued to watch the tv, I really couldn't be bothered in getting up and making food..It was honestly to much effort that I truthfully didn't have. I didn't feel good and I didn't take any medicine. My vision slowly started to fade away and so did the noises around me as I slowly started to drift off to sleep but my rest was interrupted when there was a knock at the door. I groaned, Who the fuck could that be? I didn't want to get up but I figured I probably should since someone actually put effort into coming here. I lazily stood up and stretched, I strode across the room and I eventually made it to the door. I yawned and I looked threw the peekhole...Only to find the person i'd least expected to come and see me....This must mean that something must've happened. Oh god. I opened the door and I looked at him "Oh...Hey Heichou...Why are you here?" My words sort of lingered but I didn't really care, I leaned against his door frame as Heichou let out a heavy breath through his nose. He reached his hand out to me, Why was he holding his hand out to me?? I glanced down only to find that he was holding my currently missing phone, He also had my wallet but I hadn't realized that i'd lost it. I reached my hand over and I grabbed my belongings...My fingertips touched him ever so slightly but I could still feel his coldness. Was he always this cold? I shook the stupid thought from my head...I took my belongings and I simply tossed them onto a table that had been by the door. 

"You left these in my car last night, I figured that you would need it since you're irresponsible." My eyes widened slightly. I was in his car, What happened? Fuck; I was so curious as to what happened, It burned through my veins. My cheeks heated up just slightly from my stubbornness and he had a look of amusement on his face.   
"I-i'm not irresponsible!" I shot back at him. Levi crossed his arms. "Yeah well your actions from last night prove other wise." I bit the inside of my cheek.   
"And what were my actions???" I simply asked, I hadn't remembered and curiosity had been eating me up from the inside all day. Levi sighed.   
"First of all you ran into me, Talked about a bunch of nonsense and then your drunk ass lost balance and you fell back, You grabbed my sleeve and you pulled me down with you."Fuck, Is all I could think. He had only just begun speaking and I already had a bad feeling   
"I attempted to get up from the disgusting ground but you pulled me down and called me 'babe'." I felt like dying right then and there. "I shoved you off, I was very close to leaving your drunken ass to rott there but I was leaving anyway;;......and i'm not a heartless bastard that everyone thinks I am." He let out a breath and then continued to speak to me "So I decided that i'd find Hanji and explain to her that I was leaving, I grabbed you and we left. You passed out drunk in my car then woke up and threw up everywhere, I was so ready to beat you so hard that it would affect your fucking grandchildren's children and then you proceeded to open the door to throw up all over the goddamn street. I took you home, You forgot to lock you door. Really responsible, I'm so proud;" He said in a rather sarcastic tone. My cheeks burned ever so slightly as he began to talk.  
"Shut up! I just forgot, Okay??" He rolled his eyes, He looked as if he could care less.   
"Yeah, brat...Whatever. Anyway I put you inside and tucked you into your bed and.." He paused for a moment, As if he wanted to say something but chose not to "I left. That is pretty much all, Kid so can I go now? It smells like a cat that was stuffed up with fucking garlic and then burned to death up here." I shot him a questioning glance  
"Is that really all that happened?" Levi sighed..  
"Well you kissed me when I tried to leave." I froze and my cheeks were definitely a slight shade of crimson red, So that's what had happened...I kissed Levi...I tried to form words but they wouldn't come out.7..Should I apologize first? Should I apologize for putting my lips on his? Should I apologize for calling him babe and causing him all this trouble?? Should I offer to clean his car? No..That'd be stupid. Should I admit that I had been drinking a little to much last night?? He's my upper classmen and I just made a complete fuckass out of mysef, Good job Jaeger...Good job. I internally face palmed   
"I-i'm so sorry, Heichou! I really am, That was...really irresponsible of me and i'm sorry I did all of that to you, I didn't mean to cause you all of that trouble;; errr...or any trouble at all....I'll clean your car for you if you want, I'm really sorry" I could feel my cheeks heating up as I began to apologize for kissing him "I-i'm also really really sorry for kissing you;; I'm sure your not even int--" He cut me off and gave me a confused sort of look "Who said I wasn't into men? No one, So don't make assumptions." He sounded angry at me. Great job, You yet again did something to upset him. "Oh...Well you have a girlfriend so i thought...." He rolled his eyes and let out a breath "Anyway, already cleaned my car; It smelled fucking disgusting in there and I can't stand messes." I cleared my throat awkwardly and rubbed the back of my neck "Alright..Well..If that's all you wanted thenn..Bye" "wait ere- I quickly shut the door, I didn't care if I was being rude or not. I was so embarrassed, God I made a complete ass of myself. Usually I wouldn't give a damn about this shit but it's Levi. He's a junior, His grades are beyond amazing....He's even popular...I made a complete ass of myself, Now what the fuck am I going to do. What if he tells everyone I kissed him, I mean everyone was more than aware of mine and jeans relationship while it lasted but I know if his girlfriend found out, I'd surely be dea. I slid down the door and I closed my eyes and I sighed deeply, I'll admit that my drinking has been a little too much lately...But..I fucking hate dealing with my problems without alcohol. It's because my way of escaping, I can't live without it. My train of thought was suddenly interrupted when I heard my phone ring, I jumped and looked at the screen. The name displayed on the mobile device was 'Armin'. I groaned, I promised him I wasn't going to go out last night and I did anyway-- Maybe I should ignore him? No, He's only come to my house...Maybe I should lie? Yeah! I'll lie, I answered the phone and I cleared my throat"  
"Hello?"  
I heard a sigh of relief come from the other end   
"EREN WHAT THE HELL!?!? I Was worried about you! Do you not know how to answer your goddanm phone!? I've been calling since 9 o'clock last night!! Where the hell were you-- Don't tell me you were-" I sighed and pulled the phone away from my ear slightly, He was vexed...and overly concerned... I really am a shitty best friend.  
"Armin chill the fuck out dude, One, Stop yelling. Two, I'm fine..I'm sorry I didn't answer my phone, I couldn't....err.......find my charger anywhere." My voice was slightly shaky...I knew he would know I was lying, I felt my chest tightened as the lie slipped from my lips. I was shaking ever so slightly, I knew a lecture was coming;; I deserved it.  
"Do you really expect me to believe that stupid excuse again? Eren..Do you know how many time's I've heard that come from you? I'm starting to get irritated from all the lies that constantly flow from your fucking mouth!" He sighed "Eren, Why can't you just tell me the truth! I'm starting to get worried about your health! You're drinking and partying is getting out of hand! You really need to accept help, Eren! I'm your best friend, Don't you even care about what I have to say about this?" I heard him sigh come from my phone, He was speaking quickly. Armin was very agitated, He rarely cursed at me. I let out a breath and I sighed "Look....Armin, I'm not going to sit here while you lecture me, I don't give a shit if it's 'getting out of hand'. I'm doing what any normal college student would! I see countless amounts of people getting more fucked up than I do, Armin. It could be worse! Also, I don't need help. I've told you this countless of times, Did you suddenly fucking forget??? I know you're my best friend and of course I care about what you have to say! I'm sorr-" Armin cut him off by letting out a breath. "Eren, Shut up. I get that you were upset but you're drinking is getting worse..I...Just" Oh no....  
"You're all I have...I don't want....." I could hear him fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. "I don't want you to get hurt....I don't want you to get sick....You're all I have! Think about Mikasa, Eren? What do you think she would say if she found out how bad this is getting?! She always told you to stop! She's fully aware that you are still doing all of this but you seriously don't fucking know how worried we are about you!" I heard a soft sob come from my phone and I hit the back of my head against the white door behind me, I felt terrible...I never wanted any of this to happen, I just wanted to drink without any drama happening..I thought that drinking would solve my problems but instead it's bringing even more fucking problems. "Armin...Don't cry, Shit...I'm sorry, Okay? I'm so fucking sorry i'm a disappointment. I can't stop.." I suddenly felt a warm tear run down my cheek;; I was crying? When did I start crying? "Eren....C-....." His breath hitched "Can I c-come over...?" I closed my eyes "Of course........" After that I hung up the phone, I couldn't take saying another word to him..I hurt him badly. I held my head in my hands and I sobbed into them, I never really realized how badly this was effecting my friends.....Fuck;; My best friend and my own goddamn sister! I sighed and I threw my phone across the room, I managed to hit a lamp and it fell over and broke. I let out a groan, I got up..I was shaking..? Why was I shaking..? Probably from crying.....I sighed as I made my way to the couch that resided in my living space. I face planted into the couch;; My chest ached...Why does it hurt so bad? Was it guilt?....After a few minutes of thinking, My train of thought was interrupted by two knocks at the door and then from it opening.  
"Eren?" Armin had walked in and he shut the door behind him,   
"Are you okay?"  
He looked around and took in the surroundings, There was a broken phone and lamp on the floor, My pillows from the couch were now across the room and a cup fell off of my coffee table and spilled everywhere, To be honest...I hadn't really been paying attention while I was getting my anger out of my system. I shook my head and didn't reply, There was still that feeling inside of my chest and it wouldn't go away, I was scared to see his face. I was terrified to face him, What was I going to say? We just had an argument over the phone, Now what? Are we just going to pretend like it didn't happen? I sat up when I heard Armins footsteps inching closer, My heart pounded and that pain in my chest increased. I looked down at the floor and then all of the sudden I felt two arms wrap around me tightly, It was warm. Armin pushed my head against his chest, I closed my eyes. I didn't hug back but he only pulled me closer, This feeling was so familiar to me....It was...Home, I felt safe. I felt loved, I didn't feel like the piece of shit I thought I was a couple seconds ago...I could feel tears creeping up on me, I didn't bother to hold them in. A few moments into the warm embrace I eventually started to cry. I felt terrible, I was stuck. Armin was my best friend and I lied to him all this time like it was nothing...and he knew about it.   
"I-i.....I'm so sorry Armin..." I returned the hug and I tightly gripped the back of his shirt as I let out a couple sobs. I've never really been the one to cry, I've always stayed strong but I was breaking. Armin, Jean and Mikasa are the only people I've ever fully opened myself up to. Armin rubbed my back and he hummed a tune that quickly calmed me down, My mother had taught it to him and me when we were younger. It always seemed to calm me down...Him humming that tune only made me want to cry more but I faught back those tears. After I was calmed down, I eventually realized the position we were in. Armin was sitting up right on my lap, He continued to hold me in a warm embrace, I didn't really mind this position all that much though. Armin grabbed my shoulders and pushed away from the hug gently. "Eren." He broke the silence "Yeah?" He stared into my eyes, He was clam but his face had pain and sorrow written all over it. He was shaking slightly and his hand was placed over my chest, He gripped my shirt, I reached up to grab his wrist, He was loosing his composure. I looked at his face and he had tears in his eyes. "Armin......" I went to touch his shoulder but he shrugged it off   
"Eren....I lost my mother and father to alcohol.......I don't want to loose you too..." He was still shaking He looked away from me and started crying   
"Please........I'm begging you....Stop drinking.....I cant......I can't loose you too.....I don't want you to die like they did..." He started to shake even more, I rarely saw Armin cry...He was usually the strong one.  
I thought i'd been hurting and solving my issue's this whole time but in reality I was causing more problems rather than solving them. I reached my arms out to grab armin and I pulled him closely to my chest, I sighed and whispered to armin "Listen Armin....." His head was near my chest. He was hysterical.  
"Armin.....I'm not going anywhere...Listen to my heartbeat, I'm still here...I'm not leaving or dying any time soon....I promise..." He gripped my arm sleeve and started crying even more. I let out another sigh and I held him even closer to me, Armin was so important...I'm such a shitty friend for forgetting about his parents and how he feels towards alcohol.  
\--  
Later that day. 

Armin and I had spent the rest of the day watching movies and cuddling, We talked a little more about alcohol and parties. I told him i'd at least want to go to one a couple times a month, He said that if I HAD to party then i'd only be allowed to do it once or twice a month. I'd rather have that then not at all, Armin decided that he'd spend the night, I didn't really mind it at all. In the morning I woke up first, Armin had stayed up all night watching some show on netflix, I was watching too but I zoned out when he put on some boring documentary. It was about whales or something like that, Armin had always been fond of the ocean and sea animals, What a dork.   
I sat up and stretched, I yawned and got up..I was walking to my kitchen when there was a knock at the door, I looked like shit but I didn't even bother. I opened the door and I sighed "Hel-" My words were cut short as a familiar black haired sister hugged me. I was shocked of course, I hadn't expected that at all. She sighed and pulled away "Well hello do you to Mikasa...Why are you here?" Mikasa smiled at eren "What? Is it a crime to visit my brother? I would have told you but you didn't answer your phone when I called. Plus You've been absent from school lately, I figured i'd drop by and see how you were doing." I frowned slightly "Oh yeah;; I forgot about school, Shit. Are the professors mad at me?" Mikasa shook her head "Not really, Of course naturally they are upset with you but I talked to some of your teachers and I had told them that you'd been going through a lot recently and they understood" I could feel the weight lift off from my chest, I shook Mikasa by the shoulders "Did you fall from heaven because you are seriously a saint!" Mikasa giggled, I honestly missed her laugh and smile. It feels so good to have her around, I always feel at home.   
"Anyway, Eren. Jeez, You look like a mess and so is your apartment....Do you even know how to properly take care of yourself or do you still live on ramen noodles and taco bell every night?" She teased me,   
I stuck my tongue out "Are you still eating fish for dessert everynight?" I crossed my arms and smirked,   
"Eren you should already know I eat healthy and I would never eat fi-- Oh my god Eren, That's gross! You don't need to know about mine and Annie's intimate moments!" I threw my hands up in defense I heard a laugh coming from the hallway "I really don't want to know anyway, Mikasa" She sighed "Although...Speaking of Annie.." Mikasa turned around and I bent over a bit to the side to look behind her, I found a blonde standing there. Wearing her usual Ponytail / Bun thing. I wasn't good with naming hair styles and I never really bothered learning them either. I sighed "Hello, Annie...It's nice to see you again." Annie waved "Yo'" She walked inside and Mikasa closed the door behind her, Annie looked around and I just sort of stood there awkwardly. My hair was messy and I was only wearing skinny jeans, I wasn't even wearing a shirt. Annie looked at me with a confused look "Okay mr. Anger management, What happened in here? There's shit everywhere and it looks like you turned into the fucking hulk"  
Mikasa bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing, "C'mon Annie, Be nice"   
I laughed a bit "Well to be honest;;" I scratched the back of my neck "I haven't been in the best shape these past couple weeks"  
She snorted "Yeah I can tell by your jacked up school schedule" Mikasa nudged her in the arm and annie whispered "what"  
Mikasa cleared her throat "Anyway, Eren. Go get dressed, I want to take you somewhere." I groaned, I really didn't feel like going anywhere, I'd already planned to spend the day with Armin since he was still worried that i'd run off to some party tonight. "Mind if Armin comes?" Mikasa tilted her head slightly "Of course but-- We have to call hi-" I stopped her and pointed towards my bedroom. She nodded and understood, Annie gave eren this look "Wait, You and Armin fucked, Gross" Both mikasa and I turned our attention to her and right as I was about to open my mouth to say something, A blonde haired boy beat me to it "W-what?? No way, Annie! It's not like that, I just stayed over!!" Yelled Armin, None of us had noticed that he was in the kitchen, We all turned to face him. "Armin when did you--" He cut mikasa off "So where are you guys going today?"

"To see our mothers grave..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhh snap! Things are happening scREAMS  
> So yay! Finally posted a chapter!  
> I promise i'll try my absolute hardest to not take 500 years to update!
> 
> Thanks for the support bae's! It's really appreciated~ ;)


	3. Soberness And Sadness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I just want to start off and say something.   
> I know I said that I would update sooner but A LOT happened, I swear on my life i'm not lying to cover my ass.   
> I just wanted to apologize for not posting sooner, I've been EXTREMELY busy. My grandmother was in the hospital for about a week and I was with her Also every.single.day and when she went home AND while she was recovering. She's doing alright now and she's perfectly healthy and I was lacking a computer since I lent mine to my brother while he took care of her so I could go to school but he also was staying almost 2 hours away from me so...I couldn't get it and everything was a little hectic for a while there bUT! I'm finally here, Posting a new chapter for you all!

Eren P.O.V (Point of view)

 

I could feel my chest tighten as I heard those words come from Mikasa's mouth. I had totally forgotten that today was our mothers anniversary of her death. I'd forgotten because of my own stupid drama. "Oh" Armin said from the kitchen, "Then we better get ready Eren.." It was a bit silent due to the fact that both me and Armin had forgotten. I turned away from Mikasa and Annie, I started walking towards my bedroom and Armin shortly followed. I yawned as I looked through my drawers for a suitable outfit, I picked a dark grey dress shirt with a black tie and suit. I remembered that mom always liked it when I dressed up like this. I walked out and Armin got ready, I walked to the bathroom and I brushed my hair and teeth. Once I was finished I sprayed a bit of axe onto my body. I checked myself out in the mirror and I walked out to Armin, Mikasa and Annie. 

"Wow Eren, What's with the fancy get up?"

Annie asked me as she raised an eyebrow

"Well my mom always liked it when I dressed myself up...So"

Mikasa smiled softly at Eren 

"You look great, C'mon we should get going but..Eren can we take your car? Annie refused to drive me so we took her motorcycle"

I had forgotten that Annie had one, She really enjoyed riding it and she never really bothered to drive an actual car. "Sure, Let me just find m-" Suddenly my memory hit me, Levi had drove me home...My car was still at that house. "I-- uhhhh......It's not here?" They all gave me a questioning look, As if asking me where it was without actually saying anything to me.

I sighed "I left it at a party...I was to drunk to drive.....Okay?" 

I didn't want to really ruin the 'mood' but they wanted to know. "We can just take my car..." Armin said in a sort of awkward yet cheery tone. He had always tried to lighten things up when they were gloomy, That's just the kinda kid he was. I looked away from everyone, I couldn't bare seeing Mikasa's expression. I started walking towards the door quickly, I wanted to avoid this conversation. Today was about my mom, Not about my stupid bullshit. As I was walking someone grabbed my wrist and I stopped in my place. 

"You're still drinking Eren? How many time's have I asked you to stop....Is it getting worse? I saw you and Levi last night, What happened?"

Mikasa reached over and grabbed my hands, She looked into my eyes with concern...Just like a mother would. I gently pulled away from her and I shook my head, As if telling her I didn't want to deal with this right now. I walked out of the apartment...I was the first one to make it to the elevator, Everyone was still getting their stuff together. I sighed as I waited for the door to those elevators to open. How did she know about me and Levi?? What does she mean by 'I saw you and Levi last night'...Was she at the party?? Oh god-- She must've saw how drunk I really was...I started to shake ever so slightly, The thought of me hurting or disappointing Mikasa honestly scared me. I can't handle breaking both Armin and Mikasa's heart. I pressed the elevator button again, This time more furiously. I wanted to get this over with, I didn't want another reason to drink. As I tried to think about visiting my mother, The thought of alcohol kept popping up...I grunted and the doors opened, I entered and I quickly pressed the button on the elevator and the doors closed. Once I made it to the first floor I exited the elevators and I made my way to Armins car and I waited for them.

Eventually they all showed up, We all got into the car and we drove to the spot where my mothers grave had been resting for so long. The drive was silent, I didn't say a word, Armin would casually drop little comments here and there but we never really had a real conversation. I let out a heavy sigh as we arrived, Everyone got out of the car and I grabbed the flowers that Mikasa had been holding. She told me in the car that she'd want me to place them onto her grave...I told her I would, I always had..For so many years, Even as kids me and Mikasa had visited this grave countless amounts of times a year. We never missed her death anniversary and we always got her favorite flowers to place on her grave. Once every one was ready we all started making our way to my mothers grave, The wind was blowing gently against us, The smell of the cemetery was so familiar and comforting. Once we made it to the grave, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and out, Mikasa grabbed my hand gently as I put the flowers gently onto the ground in front of her grave stone, I whispered 'hey mom' very quietly, I sat here for a moment. I looked at her grave stone as I read it, I've seen it so many times but it honestly breaks my heart every time I see it. I covered my mouth with my hand and I looked down at the ground as I stood up, I felt a two hands on my back. One belonged to Mikasa and the other, Armin. Mikasa smiled gently as she removed her hand from my back, Only to grab Annie's hand, She pulled her closer to the grave. Annie held Mikasa's hand gently as Mikasa began to speak. "Hey mother, How are you doing? I'm sure you're doing good....I wanted to introduce you to someone, This is Annie....My girlfriend." Annie smiled softly at Mikasa as she spoke, Mikasa's voice was quiet. "She really means a lot to me and she's a very important person in my life. I hope you approve of her" I looked over at Mikasa "I'm sure she would, Mikasa..." I cleared my throat, I went to go speak but I suddenly stopped when I felt sudden warmness on my cheek. Was I crying? Why am I crying? I've done this so many times.....Why now? "Why....?" I whispered to myself, It slipped out of my mouth and I didn't realize it. Armin looked over to me, It seems like he was the only one that caught it. "What, Eren..?" I shook my head and I wiped my tears "No, It's nothing." I sighed and I finally began to speak. I told my mom what i'd been up to and what's been happening in my life, I choked up when I finally got to the part about my drinking problem, It was such a painful subject to talk about. Especially because my father was drunk the whole time he was around....I shook my head and I squeezed my eyes shut. I felt the tears coming, I didn't want to cry in front of everyone but it slipped out.

"I...I'm....i'm sorry mom....I haven't been myself lately, I've been such a disappointment to you, Mikasa and Armin...I'm skipping classes and my grades are starting to get bad...i'm so sorry.....I'm such a failure...."

I choked out a sob and I crouched down and sobbed silently into my hands, Armin frowned and he crouched beside me, He put a hand on my back and he comforted me. 

"Eren you're not a failure, Don't say that."

I shook my head and I stood up and I walked away. I didn't want to bawl my eyes out in front of Mikasa, Annie and Armin. I walked towards the car in a quick pace. My hand was covering my mouth due to the fact that I was trying to contain my sobs that were threatening to slip from my mouth. My pace quickened and I looked down at the floor. My mind was flooded with memories of my mother and what she would think of me if she knew how big of a mess I've become. I wasn't paying attention as to where I was walking, My gaze was focused on the floor and my eyes were slightly open. I passed someone but I didn't bother looking up to see their face, Not that it mattered anyway. I went to the car and I opened the door. I entered the car and I sat in the seat with my knee's held closely to my chest. I wasn't a very weak person but lately I haven't been myself, I've drinking uncontrollably. I didn't care honestly, I'm only crying because I miss my mom. She was always there...Always there whenever I had a problem unlike my dead beat father who moved away from us and became a hard working doctor who got off to beating his son and drinking profusely everyday. I didn't want to become like my father, He was never there...and even when he was he was always drunk....Sounds like someone I know. I groaned and I leaned back into the seat, I could still feel the warmness run down my cheek but I wasn't making a sound. I just starred out of the window in front of me. It was kind of stormy outside. Funny, It always was on this day. I continued to sit and stare out of the window, A long time had passed...Around an hour or so I think..I looked up at the sky, God I loved the way it looked. I always liked the rain, I love the sound of the thunder...I loved the sound of the rain hitting the window, I loved how windy it would get. The grey in the sky was so calming, I probably wouldn't be able to explain why if someone asked. Everything around me was quiet. I had completely blocked out my surroundings. I'd blocked where I was...Why I was there. It didn't matter. I heard a soft tap on the window, Oh...It started to rain. They should be coming back soon. I sighed and I turned my head to the side to look out of the window. I saw the three of them walking towards the car, They looked so sad. Of course it's only natural, It's been so long yet none of us can come here without crying. I'm sure other people would be over it by now but it's so hard to stop feeling sorrow because you lost someone so close. I closed my eyes, I knew they were coming and I knew they were probably going to ask me if I was okay. I wasn't going to answer them, I didn't feel like talking. I just wanted to enjoy the silence and rain. Eventually they made it to the car and got in, Mikasa in the drivers seat and Armin and Annie in the back. I sighed and Mikasa looked over to me, She hadn't started the car yet...so we all just sort of sat there in silence until she spoke up.  
"Hey Eren, Are you okay?"  
I just waved my hand as if telling her not to bother me about it, The rain started to come down more heavily. The sound of the water hitting the windows was the most calming thing, I didn't bother buckling my seat belt. Mikasa would normally protest but 1. we weren't even moving and 2. I guess she took the hint that I didn't want to be bothered. 

"Hey Eren, ...Me and Annie were going to go out to eat and I was wondering if you'd like t-" I cut her off "No..."

Armin reached over and he smacked my arm gently and my eyes shot open, I turned to face him and I whispered "What the fuck, Armin...?" I let out a heavy sigh 

"I mean no thank you, I honestly want to go home. If you want someone to go along with you then drag Armin along.." I leaned back even further into my seat "Eren..No offense or anything but...." She hesitated "But what..? If you want to say something then say it." She looked at me with a sad expression, I could tell that she wanted to say something but she was deciding whether or not to say it. "I don't think....We should leave you alone, Especially not tonight. You've had a rough day and you got really emotional while you were talking to mom and I just don't want you to ru-" I sat up straight and I looked at her dead in the eye. "To what? Run off to some stupid party and drink? To think that you'd think that i'd do that today of all days...You heard me when I talked to Mother. " Mikasa sighed and her expression sort of softened a bit 

"Eren, You used to say that you wouldn't run off to a party and drink-- Even when you were a teenager! But now look where you are. You're always drunk....You drink your problems away! That's not the way to solve them, You're starting to become like that asshole of a father, Grisha! You don't care if today's mothers death anniversary...Well of course you care but what i'm trying to say is...When you get really emotional you sit at home and you stress about it and then you run off to some stupid party and get completely hammered! I just don't want you to go home and drink away your problems!"

I sat up and I faced Mikasa "Mikasa.........I don't want to talk about this right now...Please.." Her expression looked a bit angered "No Eren, I never talk to you anymore! You always avoid me at school and when I come to visit we never have a serious talk and every time I bring up your drinking problem you ignore me and change the subject, You always run away from the issue! You run away and you get drunk! And with Jean breaking up with you you've been getting a lot worse! I'm so worried about you, Eren! I really am..." 

I raised my voice "Can't you see i'm trying, Mikasa?! I always avoid the issue because I don't want you to see what a big failure I've become! You don't think it's hard not to drink!? What the fuck else am I supposed to do?? Cry about it? Invite you over and tell you about how i'm feeling?! Half the time you're with you're stupid girlfriend anyway and when I call you don't answer! You used to care about me so much and i'm sure you still do but do you honestly care about me as much as you used to? Do you know how it feels to be thrown away..? To be lied to by the person you're in love with? Things have been so fucking hard Mikasa, I'm trying so hard for you guys but it's starting to get so hard! It really is....I'm just giving up. I'm done trying to please everyone!" 

I started to shake, I could feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes. I was so frustrated, I wish she knew what it felt like-- No...I don't wish that. It's so hard, It's so fucking hard..I quickly opened the car door before she could say anything else. "Wait Eren!!" Mikasa called out my name in a desperate tone...No offense but I wasn't trying to have an intervention. I didn't care if it was pouring, I didn't mind it at all. I heard Mikasa and Armin yell out to me, I ignored them and I kept walking. I heard the car start, I knew they were going to try and catch up to me but I honestly didn't care, I just kept walking. I decided that i'd just go for a walk around the cemetery since I was alone. I didn't care if it was raining, It felt so nice..After walking for a few minutes I stopped, I stopped because I almost ran into someone..I glanced at the person and I took an awkward step back once I realized who it was. It was Levi, It's weird...Out of all the places to run into him of course it would be here. "Eren..?" His expression stayed the same. I sniffled and I looked away from him, This was the second time he'd seen me cry. He probably thinks i'm weak......Maybe he's right. "E-......e-excuse m-me" I quickly walked around him, He turned around as I tried to walk away and he grabbed the sleeve to my suit. "Wait, Eren." I looked down, I didn't turn around. I held my tears in, "what........" I said in a quiet tone. I heard a sigh come from him, "Why are you out in the rain, You're going to get sick." I turned around to face him and I squinted my eyes slightly. I sniffled again and I wiped the water on my cheeks, Thank god it was raining. I don't think he could tell that I was crying. 

"I just h-had to get away from s-somewhe-ere......and..........I-i didn't know i-it was going to rain t-today.." 

Fuck.

I kept stuttering because of my breath. I couldn't catch my breath because I was a sobbing mess. I hate crying, I really do. It's so tiring and it makes me look weak. I wasn't a very weak person but lately I haven't been myself so it doesn't surprise me that I've been so weak lately. Levi had an umbrella so he was completely dry. 

"Are you okay? You keep stuttering."

I looked down and I covered my mouth. I closed my eyes and a single tear fell out from my eye. 

"Y-yeah i'm f-fine..."

Levi's face sort of softened, I could tell he was crying but I wasn't going to bring it up. 

"Eren I'm not stupid, You aren't fine....What's wrong?" I tried to catch my breath, I took a deep breath in and out 

"Today is my..m-mothers death anniversary....a-and i-it's just...really s-sad..." 

I wasn't lying or anything, I didn't really want to tell him the real reason why I was out in the rain by myself. 

"Ahh, Sorry for your loss...Wait, Don't you have a sister? Where is she, Did you come here by yourself?" 

Jesus fucking christ why was he asking so many questions?? Why does he care? I looked up at him, I wouldn't say I was annoyed but I was confused. 

"No, I-I didn't c-came h-here alone. Why d-do you care..?" 

He looked to the side for a moment and then he looked at me again "I don't know." I let out a heavy sigh, I tried not to get irritated. I didn't want to blow up in his face like I did with Mikasa. I went to say something but I was cut off "Eren!" I heard a familiar voice yell my name from behind, I turned around quickly and that familiar someone was suddenly in front of me.

"Armin? Why did you follow me? Go home!" Armin frowned at me 

"What the hell Eren, You left your sister a sobbing mess! Go apologize right now! I understand that you're struggling but you never see her and all she wanted to do was talk to you about your problem and I can't believe you blew up in her face like that, She's only concerned about you" Everything happened so fast I didn't know what to say

"Jesus christ Armin, Calm the fuck down! What the hell was I supposed to say!? She compared me to my father! The man that practically ruined my childhood--The man that enjoyed beating his own son to the point where I could barely remember what had happened! The man that used to drink every second he was home!!" I let out a sigh and I relaxed myself ror a moment "Either way, Armin. It's not even that big of an issue, This isn't the first time we've fought, I think she'll live!" 

Armin went to yell but he suddenly stopped when he saw who was behind me "Levi? What are you doing here?" Levi cleared his throat "Well we're in a graveyard so i'm clearly visiting a grave, I was about to leave but I ran into this soaking wet sobbing brat." Armin glanced at him and then at me "You were crying?" I looked to the side 

"Well....n-no...I wasn't sobbing...I jus--......Mikasa made me feel like absolute shit about myself and she compared me to the man I hate the most in this world, Of course i'm upset."

Levi sighed "So that's the real reason you're crying, Why'd you lie to me?" I turned to face Levi "I didn't lie to you, I just didn't tell you. Why are you still here??? Didn't you say you were leaving??" Both Armin and Levi raised an eyebrow at me. "Didn't I tell you to watch yourself?" He make a 'tsk' sound before leaving me and Armin "Seeya, Armin." I guess him and Armin were friends. They had talked to each other at the diner too. Once he was gone, Armin faced me and he crossed his arms. "Wow, That was a little rude there Eren." I rolled my eyes, The rain continued to pour on us. Armin sighed "Look, Eren. I know you're upset right now but we should probably get going. We're going to get sick but.....Mikasa's probably worried about where you ran off to." I grunted. I didn't want to go back but I didn't really have a choice. I started to walk in the direction from where Armin came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's all,,I know it's short but it was all I could manage for now. I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I'll try to update sooner and post a longer chapter. I finally got my computer back so I can write more. c:  
> Thank you for the support and love I appreciate it!


	4. Cafe and Catastrophe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit you guys i'm so sorry for not updating, I always say i'm going to update sooner but it never happens. I'm gonna be honest and say that I have been procrastinating a bit..but I mean I thought i'd be able to write more since its summer...bUT I WAS WRONG AND UGH I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME I LOVE YOU  
> This chapter is probably going to be short...and just a warning there's a bit of non-con in this chapter

Eren P.O.V (Point of view) 

 

"Eren!" Armin shouted from behind be as I walked away from him, I wasn't really in the mood to go back..I'm sure he thought that, that was what I was planning to do.   
"Armin, Please..Leave me alone." I blinked some water droplets from my eye lashes, The rain started to fall a little harder.  
"Eren.." I felt a firm grip grasp my hand. "Look, We know you don't want to talk about it but...it's time. I know today probably isn't the best day but god dammit, Eren..We just want to help you while we're all together!!"  
I glanced back at Armin. "If Mikasa really wanted to help me then maybe she'd stop spending 24 hours a day with her stupid cunt of a girlfriend." Armin gasped, I really didn't like saying 'cunt' but I honestly couldn't give a shit.  
"Mikasa does want to help you, You're just to fucking stupid to accept the help that's right in front of you!!" I looked blankly at Armin, I let out a small chuckle and then pulled my arm away. 

"Fuck off, Armin."

 

...................................................

 

There was silence...  
Those were the last words I said to Armin before bolting off, I didn't really care...He needed to take the hint that I wanted to be alone. My pace slowed down once I was far enough to know that Armin wasn't going to follow me anymore.  
I felt a bit of guilt...Armin was only trying to help-- No. I don't need help, I'm not going to let guilt stop me from doing what I want. It had always stopped me in the past, But i'm done now. I'm done letting people guilt trip me into stopping. It's my life, If it's fucked up then it's my fault and they don't need to concern themselves with it.  
I hadn't realized it but it was now pouring, I was soaking wet. I let out a sigh and I walked out of the cemetery. I whispered a soft 'goodbye' to my mother before leaving, I walked down the sidewalk for quite some time before I finally reached some sort of coffee shop.  
I walked in and everyone looked at me, Noticing how wet I was.

"Eren!!" I heard a familiar cheery voice come from the corner of the shop. I glanced over and saw a girl shoot up from her chair and sprint towards me.   
"Hello--.....err....Hanji..?" I remembered her from the other day..and apparently she remembered me. "Yep! That's the name, Why are you soaking wet in a suit? Mister, Fancy."   
I glanced down to stare at the floor which was now...wet. "I was visiting my mothers grave and the sky started crying." I decided to be sarcastic, I wasn't in the best of moods.  
She gasped "The sky cries? How sad...aNYWAY! You have some perfect timing, Levi's on his way to meet me righ-- Speak of the devil!! Hey levi!!" Hanji yelled and waved at Levi.  
Everyone was now staring at us. I held my head in my hands, I turned around and Levi's face was close to mine considering that I was standing right in the doorway.   
"Well, Well, Well. If it isn't the cry baby."   
I grimaced and I walked around him  
"Sorry, Hanji..But uhh; I was just leaving."   
She reached her hand out to grab my shoulder and did just that.I flinched, My back was still bruised from Jeans beating. I suddenly remembered about how fucked up my week had been and I honestly wanted to leave.  
She gripped my shoulder....I tried to get away but that girl had a strong grip. "Ohhhh no! You're not getting away from me this time!"   
As good as a hot cup of coffee sounded at the time, I didn't want to sit there with Levi. "No thank you, Hanji..."  
Levi sighed and removed me from Hanji's grasp. "Hanji, Let the stupid brat go, He's getting this place dirty.. I don't need some crying, soaking wet kid ruining my day anymore than it is."   
"But Levvviiiiiii~~~~!!!! He's not even crying, Look!" She reached her hand and she grabbed my face, She put her thumb on one of my bruises. I flinched and let out a small whine this time since she had grabbed it a little more rough than I would've expected. She let go immediately. I blinked and my gaze met Levi's. As soon as we looked at each other I couldn't find myself to look away. "Eren..." Hanji spoke to me with a gentle tone now...  
I cleared my throat and stood up straight "I should....be going....." I was ready to run away from them, I was always running away from everyone. I wanted to be alone, I wanted to be by myself in my apartment.  
I wanted to drink my life away, I wanted to get so fucked up to the point where I couldn't even remember who I was....but I promised myself I wouldn't do it today--No. Fuck promises....No....What would mom think??  
She'd be disappointed. I don't care- Yes I do...Fuck. I put my head in my hands and I groaned. "Eren, Are you okay?" I looked up at Levi, I was surprised that he'd actually given the slightest damn about me.  
I blinked and tore my gaze away from him 

"Yeah...I'm fine.."

Levi raised an eyebrow, It was silent for a moment until there was a buzzing sound coming from Levi's pocket. Hanji and I looked over at Levi, Levi reached his slender hand into his back pocket. I payed close attention to his hands, They were so slender and pale...I could see his veins and bones and it was truly fascinating. Hanji glanced over at me, Even tho I didn't look at her I knew she was smiling like an idiot. I continued to watch his hands as he pressed the answer button and then raised the phone to his ear. As he talked I decided to look at his features, His jaw line was perfect. It was sharp and-- well........perfect. His nose was thin and small but it fit his face just right. He was pale...His cheeks had the fainted hint of pink to them. His lips looked to soft-- I wonder what they feel like....I internally shook the thought from my mind. He had some slight bags under his eyes. I wonder if he gets enough sleep. My train of thought was quickly interrupted by Levi snapping his fingers in front of my face. 

"Oi, I'm not Mona Lisa..If you stare any longer your eyes might melt"

I cleared my throat and looked away from him. Hanji stood there silently, What a shocker.   
"Eren, That was your sister." I quickly turned my head to face him 

"You have my sisters number????" He rolled his eyes "No, Idiot. She called from Armins phone." 

I was still confused, I knew that Levi and Armin were acquaintances but I didn't know they had each others numbers. "Please don't tell me you told her I was here." Levi kept the same expression and I closely watched it as we stared at each other. 

"I didn't, She told me that if I DID see you that I should fuck you so hard to the point that when I was done you wouldn't even remember your name."   
I looked at him shocked "Wha-- Mikasa didn't say....that...she would nev-" He smirked just slightly and I caught it for only a moment as I suddenly got flustered "It's called sarcasm you brat, Calm the fuck down before you have an aneurysm"   
I suddenly shut up. "Oh! If he had one I could probably help him!" Hanji smiled brightly as she moved closer to me "I'm a nurse!! I know what i'm doing" Levi sighed and closed his eyes for about 3 seconds then opened them again. God his sharp grey eyes could melt my insides if I stared long enough. What the ever loving fuck am I thinking???? I barely know him but i'm so attracted to his features.  
I sighed, Still soaking wet and really cold. I sneezed "Ah fuck...." I whispered.   
"Bless you!!" Hanji smiled widely at me. "You should probably go home and change before you get sick--Ohhh...But if you got sick I might get sick..Then Levi would have t-" Levi smacked her upside the head before she could finish.   
"Yeah you're probably right...." I sniffled and I turned around to leave but I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Eren.." Levi leaned close to my ear "Please don't get fucked up tonight, I don't want to play superman tonight and save your sorry ass again....also..think about your mother..." Those words sent chills down my spine.....the last few words hit me like a brick. I nodded and walked out. "Oh and Jaeger"   
I turned around again "Don't miss your classes or else i'll punish you." My heart suddenly skipped a beat. I nodded and walked out quickly.

~~ Around 3 hours later ~~

I was home...I showered....I found myself wrapped up in my warm bed with some blankets. I sniffled my nose and coughed a bit. I think I was getting sick but I wasn't sure.... I looked out of my window from my bed. I watched as the water drops hit and slid down the glass slowly, The rain had calmed down since I got out of the shower. I sighed, I turned over so that I would be on my back, I stared at the ceiling and I suddenly remembered Levi's eyes....His gorgeous grey eyes..His eyes and his hands...His face, His everything. Why was I thinking about him?? I barely know him...No matter how hard I tried I couldn't help but think about his lips...They were pink and they looked so soft..I wanted to feel them. I shook my head and I pulled my pillow over my face and I yelled. I'd only really spoken to him 3 or 4 times...Why was I acting like this??? I feel like a stupid schoolgirl with a crush. I heard 3 knocks on my door and I decided whether or not I wanted to get up to answer it. I closed my eyes and I blocked out the sound, I concentrated on the rain....but once more...I heard 3 more knocks. I groaned, I knew who it was...It was either Mikasa or Armin...I knew it, I felt it in my gut. I didn't want to talk to them but..I do kind of feel guilty about yelling at them. I got up but I took my blanket with me, It was to cold to go without it. I shuffled my feet along the wooden floor until I reached the door, I opened it and to my surprise it was someone I had least expected. Jean, I went to close the door but his foot blocked the doorway.   
"Go away, Jean." 

He looked right into my eyes and then his gaze went to my cheek where a bruise was slowly starting to appear. 

"Eren wait, Listen to me." 

I wanted to push him away and slam the door but I was frozen, I stayed silent and he took it as an invitation to continue. 

"I love you.." He said in a soft whisper. 

I chuckled "What the fuck do you want" Jean stepped close and he whispered into my ear, I pulled away but he pulled me closer by grabbing my arm tightly. It hurt but I wasn't going to show it. "I want you.."   
I pulled away 

"Let me go Jean, I thought I didn't mean anything, I thought I was trash that you'd just thrown away." 

I looked away from him and I gripped my blanket tightly. He walked in even tho I tried to push him out, I didn't have the strength to fight him back..He was my weakness. He closed the door behind him and he kept walking towards me while I stepped back until we finally reached the couch, I fell back and he climbed ontop of me. "Jean get off!! I hate you!" I never wanted to say those words, Not to him-- At least not to his face. But it felt so good....He leaned in again "Let me have you again." I smirked "What, Did Marco suddenly realize what an asshole you really are??? Did he leave you just like you left me..?? Yeah it fucking sucks doesn't it." He grabbed my wrists so hard that I let out a small noise.   
"Shut the fuck up you pathetic little shit, What's happening between me and Marco is none of your business. Understand?? I want you. I crave the feeling of being inside you."   
He kissed my cheek and I turned my head away from him.   
"Jean get off!! Go fuck your stupid boyfriend!"  
I tried to fight back but he only gripped tighter. "Marco's not important.....So shut up, Eren." He kissed me, He tasted like alcohol. He was drinking...I remember this from when we were in a relationship......That's probably why i'm so fucked up today...Because of him. "g.....ge.....Jea..." I tried speaking but it was hard, I missed the feeling of his kiss but the longer the kiss the more it felt like acid dripping onto my skin. I tried to fight back but my efforts were wasted. As he kissed me he tried slipping his tongue into my mouth...I don't know why but my first instinct was to bite it as hard as I could....so I did. He let go of me and groaned in pain. I didn't think I bit him that hard but I bit him hard enough to the point where he was bleeding. He covered his mouth with his hand and I could see the blood, I took this opportunity to get away. I squirmed out from underneath him and then ran to my bedroom. I slid down my door and held my head in my heads. I had to process what just happened and what I was going to do. I was shaking, I'm scared-- No...Not scared...Confused. I couldn't call anyone because i'm a complete idiot and I broke my damn phone..I can't jump out the window because i'm on the 5th floor of my building.....Fuck...After almost 20 minutes of sitting there I decided that i'd face the situation. I stood up a bit shaky and I faced the door. In exhaled and closed my eyes for a moment then reached my hand for the door knob, I unlocked it and slowly opened the door. Everything was quiet...To quiet. I thought he'd left so I peeked my head out of my door and I looked down the hall..But to my dismay..He was sitting on the couch. Our eyes met and I felt my heart stop, I thought I was done for. I went to go back into my room but he called my name. "Wait, Eren!" He got up quickly and sprinted towards my bedroom door and before I could close it he had stopped it with his food...fuck.

"Jean get out!" I refused to look at him, I shoved him back with as much force that I could have used. He almost tripped when he fell back into my wall. After a moment he looked up, He looked pissed. Shit, I decided that while he was recovering from being slammed into a wall i'd sprint towards my front door. I ran to my door but he tripped me. I tried getting up as quick as possible but his foot hit my back so that I couldn't. I groaned, My back was still sore from the beating. He chuckled slightly "You're such a pathetic, Weak little shit." His speech still had a lisp. He flipped me over and then pinned my down, He leaned in close to my face but I looked away. "Look at me." It wasn't a question it was a demand. I didn't obey him which was probably a mistake. "I said look at me goddammit!!" I flinched and his grip tightened. I turned my head slowly to look at him, I wasn't shaking but on the inside I was terrified of him. I gulped and he whispered into my ear "Now you're going to do what I say or else you're going to be punished, Understand?" I didn't want to but I nodded. He smirked, I continued to make eye contact with him. I was trying to hide how scared I really was but apparently I was failing. "You're starting to shake...Ohhhhhh you're scared? How cute." My lips parted slightly and I let out a shaky breath. He moved his lips over to my lips and he started to kiss me like he did earlier. Although he wasn't using his tongue..The kiss was terrible..and slightly bloody. I pulled away instead of complying with his demand to kiss me. He groaned and protested but I didn't care, I didn't want this. It felt dirty...It felt bad. I couldn't, The more I fought the tighter he held onto me. My wrists hurt so bad, I couldn't take it anymore. I whined and groaned and fought him. Eventually I realized that I should give up..and then I realized how stupid I was.....I quickly kneed him in the dick and as soon as he let go I crawled out of the doorway, Not bothering to close the door. I didn't know where I was going but that didn't really matter to me. I needed to get out of there. I was wearing black jeans with a loose grey t-shirt...I didn't have any pajama pants clean and I was way to cold to sleep without pants so I just grabbed the first thing I saw. I sprinted down the hall and I rubbed my wrists as I did so. I made it to the elevator and I don't think I've hit a button that fast before. To my surprise it came almost as soon as I pressed it, Just my luck. I quickly got inside and hit the button to go to the first floor. The doors closed and I sighed...After a few moments I finally made it down. I walked towards the entrance to the building, I walked out and made it towards my car...Then it hit me, My car was still at that girls house....fuck. It smelt like rain, God I loved that smell. I felt a slight breeze hit my skin and it made me shiver. I sighed....I didn't have a strict destination..I'm sure Armin's mad at me...Mikasa too. I can't go to Hanji because she's psycho and I have no idea where she lives...I could go see Levi..? When that thought came into my mind I imminently shook it from my mind. No, I can't go see him. I don't even know where he lives and even if I did It would be weird..Right? I kept walking and thinking about where i'd go...I could go back to the Cafe although I highly doubt they're still there. Whatever, It's a better option then walking in the rain for a while. So I decided my destination, Great. I put my hands in my pocket and walked down the sidewalk towards the not so busy district.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you think Jeans a lil' bitch...
> 
> i'm sorry for the short chapter, I missed a whole night of sleep to write thing mKAY  
> AlSo sorry I left it there  
> oh yeah and im also on hiatus so um expect no updates for a lil bit loves
> 
> ; u ; I'm so sorry i'm a failure


End file.
